December 1 for the rest of my life will forever be a challenging day for me on many levels...
For those who know me well, this day not only marks the commemoration of a day particularly close to me- World AIDS Day, but as well the birth day of my beloved and departed father. Its always interesting to see how God works... I believe he put these two important events on the same day in my life, so that when I would eventually no longer celebrate both of them at the same time, I would at least have one to commemorate/distract me from the other. God sure works in mysterious ways.
Dad would have been 60 this year...
maybe if he had been here, I would be back in Canada planning a bash for me old man?! Maybe if he were here, we'd be in Africa together?! So many 'what ifs' fill the life of a child who has lost a parent at too young an age. They can torment you if you don't figure out how to manage them in fact.
I often find myself wondering what he's up to now... how does he spend his days now that we're all apart? What does he do when that Godforsaken, painful grief strikes in the still of the night? What does he look like now? Is he even more handsome and collected, now that he's turned 60? Does his laugh sound the same?
What I wouldn't do to just hear my Dad's voice again... telling me he's proud and supporting the career path I've chosen. Or to even crack his jokes at me! Anything... anything at all.
And perhaps one of the most challenging aspects to this month of December (apart from chaotic Christmas) is that just 9 days after my Dad's birthday, also marks the day he departed his life here on earth.
December 10, 2007 saw a neither here-nor-there, but instead a distracted Jody moving yet again (for the 3rd time) here in Ghana. Maybe that's the way Dad and God wanted it?
And World AIDS Day was a mix up this year as well!
My roommates and I had planned on going to a walk organized by the Ghana AIDS Commission. They said it would start at 6am, but we assumed that that was 'Ghanaian/African time' (meaning there is no real sense of time here... no sense of urgency in large part. When you state a time, it usually means 'thereabouts'- it's never too specific. But when you do meet an African who does keep time, and you do not-- heads roll!) so showed up at 9am only to find everyone gathered at the finish point of Independence Square, and to watch the buses transport the participants home! Disaster!
I was fortunate though that a close friend of mine here, Eric saved me a t-shirt (do I deserve it though?! lol). This year's theme was Leadership and here in Ghana they added to that: Addressing the Stigma and Discrimination surrounding HIV.
After an insurmountable feeling of guilt for not waking up earlier, I called the clinic I have been volunteering at, Odorna Clinic to see what they were doing for World AIDS Day. I was told to go to Busy Internet where they were doing HIV VCT (test counseling).
So I went with my roommates, but it was quite strange how they were doing the VCT...
there was no personal, 1-on-1 pre-test counseling (and this is likely the most important part of the HIV test because you learn of the risks your client has exposed themself to- and what brought them there for testing. It is also the opportunity for the client to make a conscious decision if they want to actually follow through with the test (it is not always an easy decision, so clients often need that pre-test counseling to make a sound decision). It is also the chance for the counselor to make an assessment of the client they are dealing with. So it struck me as very odd that 4 different strangers were brought into a group session (to save time maybe?) to answer what they knew about HIV/AIDS and if they had any questions. Needless to say, many opted to not take the test. I likely wouldn't either!
But I convinced my roommates to test, and myself as well (again). Oh, how I miss HIV work!
So that was the disorderly way I spent World AIDS Day 2007, in Ghana!
On December 5, I went to a series of human rights lectures put on by CHRAJ (Ghana's Commission on Human Rights and Administrative Justice) and again, all the media was there and I happened to be wearing the 'Ghana @ 50' shirt I had made here, and I have since heard from many people (even randoms on the street!) that they saw me on TV Africa! Wish I could see it!
So the beginning of December has sure proven to be eventful in ways I never anticipated! I'm also looking forward to spending my second Christmas in Africa, in just a few weeks time now!
* * * * * * *
But for now I just miss you, Dad. With my whole entire heart and being.
But everyone tells me you're in a far better place now and that you'd want me to move on...
but I stumble when I try to.
Just know I'm trying.
I keep reaching out for your hand to help guide me and keep me strong-- but can only take comfort in the faintness of your distant whispers and the vividness of my memories.
I hope you are enjoying your special day and having a real celebration 'up there' with those you haven't seen in so long. I am thinking of you today and every day in fact.
60 years! You taught me a lifetime worth of lessons in the last 4 years of your life... so much so, that if I can just achieve even a fraction of what you did, then Dad- I know I'll do just fine until we meet again.
Until then, I hold you in my heart at all times and send you loving birthday wishes from your daughter- who is still struggling 'down here' without your physical presence...
& who would give anything to see you again. I love you Dad and miss you.
Love Jody
For those who know me well, this day not only marks the commemoration of a day particularly close to me- World AIDS Day, but as well the birth day of my beloved and departed father. Its always interesting to see how God works... I believe he put these two important events on the same day in my life, so that when I would eventually no longer celebrate both of them at the same time, I would at least have one to commemorate/distract me from the other. God sure works in mysterious ways.
Dad would have been 60 this year...
maybe if he had been here, I would be back in Canada planning a bash for me old man?! Maybe if he were here, we'd be in Africa together?! So many 'what ifs' fill the life of a child who has lost a parent at too young an age. They can torment you if you don't figure out how to manage them in fact.
I often find myself wondering what he's up to now... how does he spend his days now that we're all apart? What does he do when that Godforsaken, painful grief strikes in the still of the night? What does he look like now? Is he even more handsome and collected, now that he's turned 60? Does his laugh sound the same?
What I wouldn't do to just hear my Dad's voice again... telling me he's proud and supporting the career path I've chosen. Or to even crack his jokes at me! Anything... anything at all.
And perhaps one of the most challenging aspects to this month of December (apart from chaotic Christmas) is that just 9 days after my Dad's birthday, also marks the day he departed his life here on earth.
December 10, 2007 saw a neither here-nor-there, but instead a distracted Jody moving yet again (for the 3rd time) here in Ghana. Maybe that's the way Dad and God wanted it?
And World AIDS Day was a mix up this year as well!
My roommates and I had planned on going to a walk organized by the Ghana AIDS Commission. They said it would start at 6am, but we assumed that that was 'Ghanaian/African time' (meaning there is no real sense of time here... no sense of urgency in large part. When you state a time, it usually means 'thereabouts'- it's never too specific. But when you do meet an African who does keep time, and you do not-- heads roll!) so showed up at 9am only to find everyone gathered at the finish point of Independence Square, and to watch the buses transport the participants home! Disaster!
I was fortunate though that a close friend of mine here, Eric saved me a t-shirt (do I deserve it though?! lol). This year's theme was Leadership and here in Ghana they added to that: Addressing the Stigma and Discrimination surrounding HIV.
After an insurmountable feeling of guilt for not waking up earlier, I called the clinic I have been volunteering at, Odorna Clinic to see what they were doing for World AIDS Day. I was told to go to Busy Internet where they were doing HIV VCT (test counseling).
So I went with my roommates, but it was quite strange how they were doing the VCT...
there was no personal, 1-on-1 pre-test counseling (and this is likely the most important part of the HIV test because you learn of the risks your client has exposed themself to- and what brought them there for testing. It is also the opportunity for the client to make a conscious decision if they want to actually follow through with the test (it is not always an easy decision, so clients often need that pre-test counseling to make a sound decision). It is also the chance for the counselor to make an assessment of the client they are dealing with. So it struck me as very odd that 4 different strangers were brought into a group session (to save time maybe?) to answer what they knew about HIV/AIDS and if they had any questions. Needless to say, many opted to not take the test. I likely wouldn't either!
But I convinced my roommates to test, and myself as well (again). Oh, how I miss HIV work!
So that was the disorderly way I spent World AIDS Day 2007, in Ghana!
On December 5, I went to a series of human rights lectures put on by CHRAJ (Ghana's Commission on Human Rights and Administrative Justice) and again, all the media was there and I happened to be wearing the 'Ghana @ 50' shirt I had made here, and I have since heard from many people (even randoms on the street!) that they saw me on TV Africa! Wish I could see it!
So the beginning of December has sure proven to be eventful in ways I never anticipated! I'm also looking forward to spending my second Christmas in Africa, in just a few weeks time now!
* * * * * * *
But for now I just miss you, Dad. With my whole entire heart and being.
But everyone tells me you're in a far better place now and that you'd want me to move on...
but I stumble when I try to.
Just know I'm trying.
I keep reaching out for your hand to help guide me and keep me strong-- but can only take comfort in the faintness of your distant whispers and the vividness of my memories.
I hope you are enjoying your special day and having a real celebration 'up there' with those you haven't seen in so long. I am thinking of you today and every day in fact.
60 years! You taught me a lifetime worth of lessons in the last 4 years of your life... so much so, that if I can just achieve even a fraction of what you did, then Dad- I know I'll do just fine until we meet again.
Until then, I hold you in my heart at all times and send you loving birthday wishes from your daughter- who is still struggling 'down here' without your physical presence...
& who would give anything to see you again. I love you Dad and miss you.
Love Jody
1 comment:
wow Jody, what a wonderful tribute to your dad. I know that he and your mom are very proud of you.
Stay safe
love
Elaine and Hank
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